G R A N T S H A R K E Y . C O M

I've started to worship...

at the Church of the Whale Penis.

http://whalepenis.org/

It's about as stupid as any other church and it's...err...growing.

Band Of Skulls

http://www.bandofskulls.com Go here to hear my mate Emma play in her band. I can't stop listening to 'Patterns' at the moment, i've heard this track develop over a few years. Now they've signed a really nice deal with guys who actually care about music, Ed O'Brien from Radiohead has been heavily involved in the production of the forthcoming album. They're out in L.A. at the moment mixing and mastering and have just signed up to twitter if you're one of them. @bandofskulls. They're going to be doing a lot in the U.S. this year and next, so keep an eye out for them. I'm so happy for Emma, she's one of the coolest bassists I know and such a decent person. She's also a top notch artist as well! She gave this to me:

(c) Emma Richardson 2008 :)

Short story on the way...

Thanks to Twitter and Facebook I asked the question 'Should I stay in and write the short story I have in my head, or find a quiet pub and write it?'

There was a great reaction to the question and I'm not sure if that was because people are fans of pubs or because they wanted the story to be written under the influence of alcohol or not, but there was a resounding answer of 'PUB!'

So I went down to Salt on Hythe Marina - Aidan and I tend to head there a lot, especially when they had a billiards table there. Good section of lagers all over the place, some trendy, some more obscure. 

The place was empty all bar a couple of old fold and the staff so there was plenty of choice for the sofa of choice - which was down the back in the corner. 

Fair enough, I caught the end of the Keane album sat there under the speaker (don't get on with Keane, his voice annoys me) but soon enough I found myself enjoying the entirety of Lilly Allen's new album as I typed out the new story. 

I will always give her a chance, not sure why, I think she's totally blagged her way into the business and is shameless. I liked the album, though there was some obvious rip-offs in it. 

So, I got a beer and sat down with the laptop - tapped out 3000 words of a story that's called 'How much do you love Kane Karrera?' - I'll post it on here for free as a downloadable PDF and as a page. 

So keep em peeled for that link!

It's been a good day, lots of publishers will be receiving my novel tomorrow, hopefully they'll enjoy it. Plus I bought a load more Vonnegut from Jackie at Chapter One. Didn't buy a hat like i'd promised myself, but that's something i have to resolve with my chilly ears tomorrow.

Back on with the story now. 

A Conversation with Seth Joesph

sethjoseph: Hey dude.

me: hey man - how's things?

sethjoseph: Things are okay.

Work is stressful, as always. Writing is good. How are you?

me: i'm well - completely shitted up my sleeping pattern so i'm waking up now at 8pm

Sent at 20:10 on Friday

sethjoseph: Um, vampire much?

Sent at 20:12 on Friday

me: been quite stressful but it makes for more intense dreams where i find a microfilm (spy stuff) and on it there is an apartment, a real one, that you have to search - so you move there and then you find the landscape of the whole island (the apartment is on an island) and to uncover it's secrets you have to live a comeplete life, becoming a speech writer on the island and then you get to see a documentary on your mini-little micro film TV screen about the local landscape and how they discovered the furrows of the fields to be shaped like finger prints and abstract faces and that the whole island is not made from chalk but from a white rock that turns the red when it touches water, so it then truns red.

there

me: God, I sound like the drug everyone wants.

sethjoseph: That's quite a tale, Grahnt.

Please check out Seth Joseph's site, ThisTotallySucks.com - whilst I go and have a lay down.

He's a fine fellow I met in Brooklyn, NY and took some of the footage and plays 'Suited Yank' in my NYC/Boston Comedy Montage Video:

Thinner Words or Thicker Skin?

Wow, I'm in a funk this morning. I'm in a funk because of, yup, you guessed it...RACISM. I just can't stop being racist. I can't stand a certain group of people and I wish they'd be wiped off the face of the planet. Those people are HUMANS!

I know it's intolerant to think this way, and it feels good.

You homos don't know what you've got that's so good. Up here on the moon we think you're laughable at best and pitiful the rest of the time as you squabble about stuff that doesn't matter, getting crazy over such minute little details that just don't matter! 

Today, I listen to the Today on Radio 4. and they're discussing Carol Thatcher's recent Gollywog comment on the BBC, to Jeremy Clarkson calling a one-eyed Scottish man a 'One-eye Scottish Idiot' and the discussion that the BBC has been too hard on Carol whilst Prince Harry can run around calling people 'Paki' like his adopted dad calls a friend 'Sooty'. 

And I just say, STFU! 

Firstly, some people out there would like the language stripped of words so that no one will ever be offended ever again. This is a bad call because of the fact that SOME PEOPLE SHOULD BE OFFENDED. It's par for the course to go through life not being the same as everyone else. 

Secondly, it's a sad fact that some of the best words used as 'insults' are also so brilliant to say. Take 'Queer', turn it into two syllables and little musicality and it you're suddenly squealing, 'KER-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!' - when you do it like this it just means that someone is tackling a situation without a full set of courageous balls strapped on. Promise.

Finally, and this one is important: WHEN THE HELL DID PEOPLE START GETTING SUCH THIN SKINS TOWARDS WORDS?

I'm asked every week by the same drunk dude if I'm ever offended by anything, and I say no, and he then tries to offend me. It's hilarious. I don't consider myself to have a thick skin, however I don't take anything anyone says about me or my work personally. So next monday, he might try again having read this and succeed - but he's going to have to get deep into my personal life and my varied past to get anything that might have been buried.

I take an example from my fellow Martian, Karl Evans. 

He was at Reading Festival one year. Porno For Pyros were playing and Perry Farrell stars yelling at the audience a myriad of insults. 'You f**king c**ts! You f**king KER-weeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrsss!' 

Karl's sister said to Karl, 'That's not a very nice thing to say.'

To which Karl responded with his cool, calm brilliance, 'He's not talking to me.'

Be like Karl and you'll wonder why the hell you ever bothered even talking about Russell Brand, you stupid one eyed KER-weeeeaaaarrrrrr HOMO SAPIENS!

A fun little interview.

The nice guys at Mintsouth.com asked me to carry out their first ever minterview with standardised questions. It was lots of fun. 

Here's a link: GS ON MINTSOUTH.COM

Explore the site whilst you're there!

Recycled?

I drove home from TH just as the snow was starting. My engine's heat left tell-tale signs that I think my car might have been made out of an old TIE-fighter. 

Despot of Coffee?

For some reason, someone decided a picture of Saddam Hussein was appropriate to put on our tin of coffee.